Gifts

by Rachel Baumgartner

[Editor's note: Rachel, a survivor of a rare sarcoma called Askin's tumor, has shared some of her poems with us before (see Poems Along the Way). She now gives us several more gifts: three of her poems and two of her drawings.]

Spots

December 9th, 2006

Spots-

Good on a shirt

Or a dog

Bad on an x-ray-

An x-ray of mine

In my lung

By my tumor beds

And they are new

Bad when they puzzle

The doctors

Most of all

Why or how I have

Not been as upset

As expected

Escapes me

It is easier

To ignore

Than go "there"-

To the scariest place

I know.

Wondering

December 10, 2006

Sometimes when I am walking around

I think and wonder

What others might perceive

When they look at me

Or through me

I forget that my hair is long

Sometimes I still feel

Like that bald-headed cancer girl

My self confidence was damaged

All those years of stares and whispers

Rumors and so much missed

The deep scars and memories remain

They are just more hidden these days.

A Miraculous Gift

April 19, 2007

Life-

So complex, yet so simple

So many wonders

And disappointments

It does not stop

When I need to catch my breath

It keeps going and going

So much to do

I use way more energy

Than I have in me

But I must do it

This way

Because my life here,

My time here,

Is precious-

A miraculous gift

From above

First Drawing: Pain

From Rachel: This is a charcoal and pencil drawing about the pain and scared feelings I felt this summer when they found a spot in my back and I thought maybe I was relapsing.

Second Drawing: Beautiful

From Rachel: This is a drawing of a bald woman with my "personal symbol", a dragonfly on her head.  It's actually the exact dragonfly on my favorite ring (besides my engagement one).

© 2007 Rachel Baumgartner